To all my parents out there, I’m sure you can relate when I say that kids are wild. One minute everything is great, they’re laughing, making silly faces, living their best lives and then, just like that, at the drop of a dime all hell breaks loose.
You just had to pour their juice without letting them help. You just had to tie their shoe before letting them even try. The screams, the tears, the rebellion. You are now the enemy. I sometimes would be in similar situations and think to myself she’s going to lose it on me. I would try it anyways just to turn around and say now why didn’t I just let her try first or I knew I shouldn’t have cut her strawberries up differently. Kids are all about testing their boundaries, especially toddlers. This world is still pretty new to them and so are their emotions and how to regulate them.
What this means for us parents are a lot of break downs for all parties. In my ten years of being a mom, I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have broken down feeling absolutely defeated. The mom guilt consumed me. Why did I yell at her? I should have been more patient. Why did I say that? Why won't they listen to me? It gets the best of all of us. If you say as a parent that you don’t get overwhelmed, I will call you out because every parent runs into these feelings. They’re inevitable. At the end of the day we are all trying our best here on this crazy journey called parenthood. Don’t be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes and as long and you acknowledge them and work towards a better tomorrow, you’re doing great.
Cannabis has been a great resource for me over the years. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent in my garage smoking a joint reflecting and going over ways I could have handled a situation more gracefully. I’m able to see where I was at fault and could use some growth. I’m able to come back the next day and say, “hey, I’m sorry I lost my temper with you and next time I will handle it this way.”
When I became a twin mom I stepped into another role as well. The stay-at-home mom. I have always had a job. The moment I was able to get a workers permit at 14 I went out and landed my first job making snow cones. I loved being independent and I loved making my own money. Some people would love to stay at home, but I hated it. Sure, I loved being there seeing every moment and catching every milestone, but it was lonely. No adult interaction, just you and two babies looking at you for all their needs. Non-stop, 24/7. I felt isolated. My days blurred together. We did the same thing at the same time every day. My mind would run restless filled with anxious thoughts. I’m a social butterfly so I wasn’t thriving in this set up. I felt like I became just a mom and I was no longer me anymore. I would get touched out and overwhelmed.
During this time, I was only utilizing flower so I wouldn’t smoke until my kids went to bed. There was no way I was going to have the time to break down, roll up, and blaze before my kids got into some mischief. All my parents out there know crayon can paint your walls within seconds, so taking 30 minutes to smoke was me just asking for something to go wrong. My husband is big into dabs. I have taken them here and there, but I was more of a flower girl. One night I ran out of my buds, so I had no choice but to dab. Take your torch, heat the rig, drop your dab and boom, not even 5 mins later and you’re feeling good. It was in that moment where I had an epiphany, I could medicate during the day.
A lot of people when they hear the word dab associate it with being super stoned because of its known higher THC levels. This however doesn’t mean that you’re going to be really high every time you take a dab as you can actually control your dose. I personally don’t care to take a fat glob and am more into micro-dosing. A grain of rice sized dab does the trick for me.
Being able to sneak downstairs and into my garage for five mins to hit a dab has helped a lot when those anxious thoughts come creeping in. When I get to feeling overwhelmed and over stimulated and I just need that small moment of silence to think, a micro dose does the job. I’m back in speedy time so nothing is in shambles and it gives me and my kids time to take a small break from each other. Time to reset and start over. It also helps me take the edge off and gets my creative juices flowing with fun ideas ready to go. I walk up the stairs with a big ole grin throwing out suggestions. Who wants to go on a walk? Should we color or paint? How about some playdoh? My brain shoots off like fireworks with tons of ways to keep my kids engaged and entertained. When the tantrums start because one is using the color the other wanted, I’m in such a better head space and overall am calmer. I can examine the situation better and figure out a way to help them through those big feelings without coming out of character myself.
It’s so much easier to yell and say too bad so sad, do what I say! So much patience and understanding are needed when raising kids. You must really put yourself in their shoes and think, how would I feel if I were upset and someone started to yell at me for being upset? How terrible would that make you feel and how much more upset would that make you? The truth is our children look up to us and model our behavior. If we can show them that we can work through a conflict without losing ourselves and snapping, then so can they. By remaining calm you show them how to regulate their emotions. I look up to the parents who can do this effortlessly. This is something I struggle with, but over the years I’ve gotten better with regulating my own emotions. Healing my inner child one joint at a time and learning to be the best mom I can be.
I don’t have all the answers, but I will never stop trying for my kids. And, of course, grateful to cannabis for giving me a healthy, quick way to get through my day. It made those stay-at-home days a lot less overwhelming and more filled with laughter. I started working a job here at Feel State as a budtender and began writing blogs for you guys to digest and overall, I’m in a much better head space as a mom. I feel like myself and more than just a mom. I now wear many titles proudly and I get to watch the joy strike my kids face when I come home from work because my kids missed me.
As parents we have to do what’s best for our mental health. That way we can show up and be the parents our kids deserve. We won’t always have the right answers or do the right thing, but as a parent you never stop trying - your kids will see your efforts. Enjoy a spa day, buy yourself something nice, go play golf with the guys, have that glass of wine, enjoy s beer, go smoke that joint or hit a dab. What you do for your mental health may not be the same as what someone else does and that’s ok. Show up for yourself so you can show up for your kids. I’m still mainly a flower girl, but dabs are the way to go when I need some quick relief so I can get back to being a momma.